I subscribe to many blogs. Some have environmental themes or Waldorf/homeschooling themes. I pore over blogs on green living by a plethora of green mamas to blogs on art & crafts and cooking. I usually get great information and feel connected and often times supported in my choices as a green and holistic mom. But lately, when I open my inbox to see another wonderful post with inviting pictures from a mom with a baby or a toddler, or worse yet, a mom with 2 or more children, all I feel is… well, bad about myself. What is wrong with me? I have just one toddler/preschooler. So, why don’t I have any time to blog anymore? Or do anything for personal pleasure?
How do you mamas do it? It takes me hours to get my 2 1/2 year old to nap and then several more hours at night, resulting in struggles, and then my giving in and sleeping with my son or having him come into our bed at midnight. My husband and I have no time together. I have no time to read, write or craft. Our wedding album still sits empty with pages waiting to be filled from 3 years ago. Baby albums have yet to be made and my son’s baby book is mostly chicken scratch in my old Daytimer waiting to be transcribed into his lovely handmade baby book. I have a stack of books on my night table just waiting to be discovered. I am frothing at the mouth to get through “The Case Against Homework” and “The Omnivore’s Dilemma”. How nice it would be to read something other than parenting and environmental books. The lovely tome, “The Diaries of Sophia Tolstoy” is whispering to me at night “psst…hey….just open the cover”. But, I can’t. My son takes late naps and doesn’t go to bed until 10/11/12pm! Waking him from his nap early doesn’t work. Nor does waking him up early in the morning. It seems he doesn’t require as much sleep. It’s like he is perpetually jet lagged from our move and wants to sleep from 12pm to 9am and then nap from 3-6pm! Interventions to adjust these times work only some of the time. I have no consistency.
So, here I am today, admitting, after a melt-down (in front of my son) – something I am not proud of – that I am burnt out! You may say to yourself, “well, you’re blogging now”. Ah, yes. But, I should be napping with my son, because I will be up until midnight trying to get him to sleep. Yes, I have a routine. Bath, pajamas, books – lots of them. He loves books. Then once the light goes out it begins. “I wan’t a snack”. Sometimes he’s really hungry because now many hours have passed since dinner. And sometimes it’s a ploy. Well, today he was hungry and I thought it was a ploy. I felt so badly watching him scarf down his “carrot stew” (inspired by the reading of Tawny Scrawny Lion) after I snapped. What would you think if you read a book about food and your child asked for that food? Sounds like a ploy to stay up, right?
So, I’m back to feeling less-than for not being able to DO what all you other mamas DO out there in the blogosphere – and in your lives. I’ve peeked inside your lives through your blogs. You cook from scratch, you play with your children, you take trips, you make crafts -AND you blog. How do you do all of it? Do your children sleep for like, 2 hours in the day and 10-11 at night? Please tell me they do. And then tell me how to get my son to do it too. I would be forever grateful! Because, I am not willing to feed my son processed, crappy food or sacrifice our play and creative time so I can have some free time to myself. But, I also can’t spend 3 hours each night getting my son ready for bed and to sleep.
Ah….the world is at peace when he sleeps. It’s just getting there that’s hard. Any advice you blogging mamas?